Okay, first off, watch the intro. You will see that Conkers get drunk and that he finds himself in a distant land. When you start, go all the way around the fences and in to the scarecrow. Go onto the B-pad and press the B-Button. The scarecrow(called Birdy) will tell you a thing or two that will be useful later. He tell you to go to the other pad and open the gate for you. Press the B-button more on the pad in front of him and Conker will take out beer and helium bottles. Quite fun, but doesn’t mean anything. Go to the other B-pad now and press B. You will see that Conker takes out a bottle and drinks from it. Then he become healthy again.
Now move on to the water. Swim rough to the other side and Conker will learn the “helicopter thing”. Jump high up in the air holding Z down and then pressing A will do that. Now, do the helicopter thing and fly over to the cliff. Work yourself up to the stone gargoyle. You don’t have to talk to him but if you do he will say that he refuse to move from the bridge. You see the switch in front of the gargoyle? Jump onto it and a door you passed on your way up will open. Climb down again and enter it. You will see a key with eyes(?) jumping around. Chase it until Conker stops. He will then learn how to slam people with the frying pan. Hit the key and open the door and leave the room.
Then, climb up to the gargoyle and hit him with the pan. He will start to laugh, and laugh until he falls down and hit the earth with a bang. Some rocks will then block the exit(entrance). Jump onto the big rock and then onto the platform on its right. Press the B-button on the pad and you will see Conker blast up the rock. Then make your way to the outside. You will now see a movie that takes place in the evil Panther Kings lair. The doctor has to fix the table for the king but inside his lab he has murder teddies and a lot of weird stuff. He also throw away one of his invention, the chocolate bar which is your life energy. After that you’re free to start your adventure.
Run down the path that goes from the cliff you’re standing on and take to the nice path. Talk to Mrs.Bee and she will tell you that the nasty wasps have stolen her hive. Go back and follow the nasty sign. At the top of the road you will find the hive. Grab it and the wasps will come after you. Run all the way down to Mrs.Bee with it and she will get rid of the wasps using her hive as a machine gun. Get the money and walk up on the nice path. Walk onto the B-pad after you’ve seen the shortcut. The scarecrow will appear again and tell you about his new invention. Give him the 100 bucks and he will hand it over. He will then leave with the money. But, no. The money jumps out of his pockets and comes back to you. Press B again and Conker will read about the Slingshot. Then, shot the beetles that guards the way up to the first scenario. Run up to the top and go to the left. Go towards the door. You will se that it will open ten o´ clock. Make your way back to the road split and choose the other way.
As you come out of the tunnel, you’ll see a big barn. Choose the way to the right and talk to the box under the giant one. He will tell you to find his friend George, who will help you. Now go back and chose the way to the left. Get past the jumping boxes and turn to the left. Talk to George and he will open the gate for you. Go inside and hit one of the cheeses with your pan. Get back to the rat you met by the box and give him the cheese. Do this another two times and he will explode. Then miss fatty will jump off and you can climb up. Get the money and Conker will remind you of your little date at ten. But don’t go back now. Instead, jump down and find the doors you just open. Drop inside and you will meet some mean guys. The fork will start chasing you around. Make it hit all the mean guys and it will give up, returning to his so-called friends.
They will(mean enough) tell him to go hang himself. The fork with no other option does that. But when he’s wagging up there, he finds out that he doesn’t have a neck. And it’s you who have to save him. Pull the switch near the entrance and go out. You will see that a big bee falls out and that a huge straw heap drops down. Go towards the bee on the outside and he will ask you for a favour. But don’t mind that now. Go past him and jump onto the tree box there. Get inside the hole in the wall and you will find yourself over the floor in the barn. Make your way to the other end of the barn and try to hit the rope the fork is hanging in. He will then be your friend and help you get rid of the straw heap downstairs.
Jump onto him and concentrate in hitting the straw heaps butt. After you hit him three times he will start to jump up and down on the floor. The floor will collapse and he, you and the fork will fall down the hole. The straw heap will then appear as a missile shooting robot. To defeat him for good, do like this. Jump onto the fork and escape to one of the pipes. When he shoot s a missile, jump over it so it wrecks the pipe. Then, get him over to the pipe by just standing there and he will get a shock. Jump after him when he jumps back and when he starts to spin jump up at his back and press the red button. Do this on the other pipes too, and he is defeated. When you’ve defeated him, water will start flowing into the room.
Make your way to the pipe in front of you and to the top of it. From there, make sure that you cut all the wires(the music will fade if you do). Swim to the other ladder to the right and cut all the wires from there too. When you hit all three at both places you are free to leave the room. Jump into the water and find the exit.
See the man with the rock plate there? Jump onto his plate and he will throw you up in the air. Then move the stick so you land on top of the barn there. Grab the money and leave. Outside you will see a ladder. Climb up the ladder with avoiding the wasps isn’t easy but its possible. At the top of all the ladders jump out and press the B-button when the light bulb comes out. Conker will turn into a anvil and crash into the B-button at the end of the ride. A gate with an extra tail and a new money will wait for you inside there. The gate is located at the ground so you better get down on the ground again. Pick op the money and head for the entrance. But don’t go out! Instead, turn left and talk to the sunflower. She will tell you that she will not allow mr. Bee to pollinate her.
Go back to the tree box then and talk to the bees swarming around there. Lead them to the sunflower and they will start to tickle her. Then you have to find the rest of the bees. Here they are:
*Near the entrance. You got to jump up in the air to get contact with them.
*Remember where Conker reminded you of your date? Go back there.
*From there, climb up the ladder on the roof. Some bees awaits you at the top.
*Near the cheeses. Climb onto the hills there. They are waiting for you after you walked in a little.
The sunflower and the bee will now have a little moment by themselves. After that, you’re free to bounce on the sunflowers chest. Jump a couple, three times before dropping in and grabbing the money in the hole. Now you can leave.
Make your way to the little house where you had this date and enter. A big beetle will sit inside and start talking with you. Go to the corner of the house and press B when the bulb appears. You will then fall through the floor and to the basement. Go towards the rope at the end of the way and climb up it. Then jump over to the other rope and over to the tree girder. Go to the pipe where the poo are running out of. Jump under it and over to the rope when it stops. Then you jump into the hole in the wall and goes into the exit at the other end. At the other side you will see a bull. After the little sequence, find the drinking place and climb up the wall at its left side. When you come to the taps head, run the way the arrow pints. Some pink liquid will then come out of the tap.
Then a target shows up. Make the bull collide with the target and another one will appear. Jump on top of the wall over the target and the bull will crash into this one too. Then jump onto his back and hit the cow who just came in. She will go take a little drink from the pink liquid. Just like Conker said, she will get unwell and run over to the grid. Hit her again with the bull and she will die. Do this again on the two next cows and the bull will fall down into the poo. Now you drop in to. See the hole in the wall. Enter it. Then get yourself over to the B-pad and press B on it. After some reading and such Conker will have the ability to swim underwater. Then get back to where you fell down. Swim underwater and get yourself to where you started in the basement. Remember to pick up the money. Then swim up trough the floor and exit the house.
The dung beetle will meet you outside and give you a ball off poo. Take the ball and go to the back of the house. A little bit to the right you can see a way. Take the ball to the top and drop it into the big dung beetles mouth, with explodes. It will then be destroyed and you can take another ball up the other way. Drop down to the house again and take the way to the left for the house. Get the ball past all the dung beetles and roll it inside the hole on the top. Then you will see that the blocked entrance on the ground will be opened. After you got the money on top off the mountain, get down and go inside the entrance. There you will meet a dung beetle that tells you a little story. After he’s done, go down the way. You will meet sweet corn, who you have to feed an inner voice with. Hit the sweet corn with your pan and throw him into the poo. You will see that it will be dragged under the poo. Do this with the other five and you will meet the “Great Mighty Poo”. To defeat him, you have to run to the three B-pads and hit him with the toilet paper when he sings. When he brakes the glass, make sure you get there and pull the switch there. The poo will then be flushed down into nothing, leaving you a new passage.
But don’t go down there so soon. Instead, go outside again and take a new ball off poo and take it to the sign ”no poo”. But instead of turning back, go past the sign with the poo ball and drop it down at the guards head. Jump down and press the switch. The two other guards will be dragged down leaving you free entrance to a new world…
Inside you will meet with a lot of catfishes. They ask you if you can get rid of the brute at the other end of the water passage. Swim to the other end and dive into the hole on the bottom. Then swim through that room and up to the surface. Get into the room with all the cogs and talk to the smallest cog there. He will tell you to go get the missing cogs and lower the elevator for you. Climb all the way to the top of the tower by using the elevator and the ropes. You can also burn those irritating bats by using your flame caster. Pull the switch at the top and get down again. Dive under the water again and swim into the hole in the wall right under the surface. You will see that the guards that you dragged down outside have found the way there. Get past the guards and you will find the three missing cogs. Hit them with the pan one at a time and take them back to the other two cogs.
When you’ve got them all back, run to the right on the big wheel on the floor. When you’ve got it spinning, the brute can’t catch you outside. Get Conker back to the catfishes. You have to lead them to the brute so they can push in the code for you. After they are done with the code, the door will open and you can get the money. Inside you will see the money on the floor. But before you can catch them, they escape and the exit gets blocked. From there, move onto the B-pad and shot OPEN on the spinning wheel target. The floor will open and you can start to chase the money.
It’s many passages under the water so make sure you choose the right ones. Swim down to the bottom of the room you enter and swim into the upper green door. Then choose the blue ones. Swim to the top of this room and pull the switch there. Now swim down again and swim into the red passage. You will now be in a room like the one you entered through. Swim all the way up and go into the black hole there. After the short movie with the imps, jump down and go to the beer barrel. Press B and Conker will drink himself drunk. Now go out on the big floor where the imps escaped. When they show up, press B and pee on them. When you have peed on 4-5 of them, they will do the “Big, Big Guy”. They jump into a big boiler and fire it up. When they done with it, they attack you! Run to one of the corners and Press Z followed by A when the boiler stands on the grate. When it’s dozed off, jump down under it and press B when the light bulb comes out.
Do this with all of the four corners and the boiler will explode. Now how to escape. Avoid the imps while you roll one of the boilers balls to the button near the door at the rooms edge. Then roll the other one in the door to get the guard away. Now get out with the cash you found on the other side. The catfishes awaits outside with the brute when Conker comes out. They tell him to take the one dollar, but Conker doesn’t accept that. While they argue, the catfishes notices that the brute gets loose. Now you have to escape to the brew at the end of the water passage. Get there as quick as you can and the brute shouldn’t catch you. When he have crashed into the wall, jump up on him and grab the money over him. Then leave…
Before you can get to the next level, you have to pick up some money. Go to where you found the bee hive and enter the nearest hole. Jump into the next one from there to get the money. Now head to where you fought the Great Mighty Poo. Jump down into the hole he was flushed down into and enter the hole at the bottom. Now you have to get past all those spinning blades. When you have passed them climb up the rope and get safe to the ladder. Climb up it and head to the guards. Give them your money(which you get back right after) and head trough the gate. You will find a prehistoric tower in front of you, with raptors running around it. Get behind the tower and enter the door there. Now go around the tower here too and you will be at the top. Grab the cash and climb the statue. Smash it down with B and smash it again to open the tunnel under it. Now go over to the rocks there and take the one who lies still. Roll it trough the tunnel and roll it down the other tunnel. The two guards will be eliminated and the way will be open.
Get down there and go to the right. Enter the door to the right of the big dragon head and head towards the big egg. Jump onto the Monks plate and he will throw you up to the top of the egg. Press B there and the egg will hatch. Lead the baby dinosaur the hole way down to the dragons lair and lead it up to the central stone block. Now run down to the B-pad and shoot at the left side of the block. The baby dinosaur will then be offered to the dragon. The dragon accept the offer and open his mouth for you. The monk will come out of it. Now use the monk to get on the dragons head. Move towards one of his nostrils and press B to drop some Pepper into it. Now go back his head, pick up the money before you do the same with the other nostril. The dragon will sneeze so all the green slime will fall of his tongue. Now climb the tongue and get past all the pendulums to get the sleeping caveman’s hat. Go back trough the dragon and you will make friends with the cavemen’s outside. Lead all the cavemen’s up to the disco club and enjoy them crushing all the stone guys outside. Then the guard will let you in after the little movie.
Inside here, take to the right and find the rock ball and take it up to the entrance. Place it on the button and one of the doors will open. Now go back to the place where you found the rock ball and find the beer barrel. Once Conker’s drunk, wee on the rock guy in front of the door and lead him down into the hole. Jump up on the left side of the doors and roll the ball all the way to the button at the other end. The other doors will now open. Do the same with the other male rock guys and Berri’s cage will open. Grab the cash there and run after her. The guard there will stop you and take you to the manager because you took his money. The manager wants you to do him a little favour. He wants you to take a bomb through the hole world and throw it down to eliminate the cavemens. Take the bomb through the tunnels and into the dragons mouth. Take it through there and throw it down. And remember, you have limited time on you. When the bomb is thrown down the lave starts to fill up, leaving Conker with a serious problem. Use the platforms to get out to safety…you thought!
Right outside, you will be whacked down by some cavemen. When Conker awake, they have stolen his money. And the only way to get them back is to race and smack them. Go inside the hole to your right and jump onto the racer. Now take the cavemen one by one with your pan. But watch out, the last one follows a different route. When you’ve got them all, pick up the money behind the now-opened gate and steer into the boss’s lair…
Conker will show up on a stadium surrounded by a lot of cavemen and two giant cavemen/woman. Buga the Knut and Jugga. Go towards the big door on the other side of the stadium. It will open and another raptor will come out. After it’s done with the cavemen, run to the centre of the stadium and press B when the raptor’s close to you. While he’s hypnotized, jump onto him. Now you have to fight a horde of armed cavemens. You can either eat them or kick them out of the stadium into the lava. When you finished them all, Buga The Knut will come out to fight you. Simply avoid his shockwaves before hitting his “Family Jewels” when he lifts his club. Now run around him and press B when the bulb appears. Do this another two times and he will leave the stadium in a hurry. Now use the platform he made to come up to Jugga, who will set you off at some money. Follow it all the way and grab it. Now jump down into the pool. Another job done…
Go back to where you found the bee hive and enter the door. Inside you will see the bee hive on top of the platform. Run all the way up to it and jump in. Now shoot all the wasps that comes out, when you shot about 40-50 mrs.bee will come and tell you to grab the hive and run. Jump out of the hive and grab it. The three nasty wasps will then show up again. Avoid them while running towards mrs.bee with the hive. When you come there, mrs.bee will blast them up again and give you those hard-to-get money. Now go to Mr.Barrel at the top of the windmill. Avoid the worms as you move up. Give him the money and ride down the road again to squash the worms. Get down safe and Mr.Barrel will destroy the planks that blocked the way. Conker will sleep off.
When he wakes up again, it is night. Enter the opened way go into the tunnel. When you come to the water, go to the right and enter the door there. Pull the switch and the big door leading to the graveyard will open. Now get back to the brew and talk to Gregg. He will give you a shotgun after telling you about how much he hates undead. Take the shotgun up to the right and in to the graveyard. The zombies will now awake. The best way of killing them is to stand on top of one of the gravestones and hit them in their heads. After you killed twelve zombies Gregg will show up and open the door in the other end for you. Now enter it…
Inside the door you will see a dark house. To get to the castle you have to avoid the skeleton worms. When you’ve come past the worms, go inside the house. Inside Conker will meet one of his ancestors, who offers him food and drinks. But when the villagers come, he makes Conker into a bat so he can feed him with the villagers. Your task is to catch the villagers, carry them to your ancestor and then drop them down into the bloody, spiky rollers. When you dropped down seven villagers, your ancestor will fall into the spikes himself. Now you have to find the keys to get out. Take the way to the left of the stairs. Shot all the Zombies that stands in the way for you. When you’ve come up to the library, jump onto the books and shot all the bats. Do this in the last room too. Now take that key back the way. Watch out, some zombies can still just re-appear. Take the key inside the lock and a bridge outside will appear. Now go inside the big door to the right of the stairs. Follow the way all the way to the garden. Remember to shot the Zombies. Now grab the key which is found at the middle of the garden and take it back to the door. Now you only have one key left.
Go up the stairs and to the right. Jump over the gap there and climb up the rusted ladder there. Jump to the right and pull the switch. Now go back down to the door and go to the right of the door. Not into the big door but further in. Go inside the new opened door and go over the long plank there. Grab the key and go back to the door with it. The door will now open and you can get out. But no, those skeleton worms are blocking the way for you. Go over to Mr.Barrel and roll him out and so over the worms. Take him through the graveyard and into the water. Roll him to the right and you should meet with land. Roll him up on the land and go inside the door. You will find yourself at the waterfall with the gargoyle. Take the money and leave it. Now climb up to the bridge and enter the door again.
Make your way to the nasty path and enter the door behind the fence. Run straight forward and push the metal crate so it lines up with the ramp at the left side. Now jump into the water and lead all the electric eels trough the arches on the sea bottom. A B-pad will then show up. Get back to the ramp near the levels entrance and run up it. Push the creature behind the toilet door down the ramp and to the left. Get past all the jumping boxes and pounding blocks and place him at the end of the way. Go back to the entrance and go out to the B-pad. Then shot him with your catapult. Now do the same with the other way, avoiding those metal insects and shot him. The way will now be open. Now head for the general standing near the empty boat. After a little chitchat he will knock you down.
After the shortcut on the beach, head into the Tediz’s base. Run all the time, protecting yourself behind the tank traps and you should come to a lonely soldier. Take the Guns you get and shoot the lock open. Inside the room you have to shot the teddies that hides behind the crates. Once you’ve done that, the door at the other end of the room will open. Crawl under the laser and keep your weapon ready. Cause more Tediz waits around the corner. Get past all the Tediz and the lasers and you should be in a chemical lab. Shoot all the doctors and head to the exit. To the right of the exit a soldier sits in an electric chair. Talk to him and pull one of the switches. He will get a shock from it. Now pull the other one and leave the room.
You will now stand in front of a gun turret. Hide behind the crates and run forward when the Tediz reloads. Climb up the rope at the right side of the gun turret and hide behind the pipe. Now run forward and eliminate the Tediz using the Bazooka. Now leap into the gun turret and shoot all the Tediz that comes out. When you’ve got them all, enter the new opened door. Go to the left and you will see a shortcut showing three Tediz blasting loose at a soldier. Shoot the Tediz and go talk to the soldier. Now go the way to the right with the soldier behind you. Watch out for the bombs and hide behind the soldier Rodent when those exploding insects shows up. At the end of the way, leap into the water and use the floating B-pad to shoot off the locks on the big door. Now make sure you eliminate the Tediz before heading to the door.
Inside the door, jump into the tank and blast the door in front of you open. Enter it and jump over the first pitch. When the insect shows up, jump back and it will fall into the pool. Do this another three time and pull the lever. Now run as fast as you can back! Jump into the tank again and drive into the big door to the right. Now hide the tank behind the bridge and jump over the hole with Conker. Push the B-button at the top of the bridge and it will fall down. Now shot all the Tediz on the other side. And then the leg of the gun turret. Do this with the other bridges and the gun turret will fall, leaving you a way over to the hole. Drop into it and talk to the little girl in the centre. The subs will then appear. Blast them all with the bazookas and go talk to the little girl again. A huge mechanic Tediz will now show up. Leap into the tank and shoot the guns out. Now, when he’s unarmed, shoot the little girl out of his arms. When he turns around to pick her up, shoot him on his back. Do this three times and he will be defeated.
But it’s not the end, oh no. The little girl will now start a countdown, leaving you five minutes to escape the base. Jump down the hole and start to concentrate in coming past all those lasers. Keep your guns ready cause more Tediz are waiting. When you come to the last room, take out your bazooka and blast all those Tediz. The green lasers will then fade and you can leave the base. Now concentrate in coming past all those Tediz armed with Bazookas and get down to the beach. When you’ve done it, the boat will leave with you and a few other soldiers. Now leave the hole level…
Set your course to the windmill. Talk to Rodent and jump down into the windmill. Enter the hole in the bottom. Now head towards the plateau and get the suit. Now enter the bank. After the shortcut move forward and hide behind one of the posts. When one of the guard shout “Big Group” press B and shoot all the guards. Do this on every section and grab the money in the vault. Now watch the shortcut and get ready for the last boss…
Strangely enough, this boss isn’t particularly hard. First of all, pull the lever to suck everyone else out of the room-Conker will then hop in the Aliens-style walker. The alien has two attacks. There’s a tail sweep, which is preceded by a high pitched shriek, and a vicious head-butt that follows a lower pitched sound. Get used to these noises, as they’ll allow you to predict his attacks and counter them accordingly. If he swings with his tail, tap the jump button, then tap B to punch him repeatedly. If he’s about to bite you, hold Z to block, then smack him when he pulls away. Once he’s on the ground, grab him by the tail and rotate the analogue stick slowly to pick up speed before bunging him out of the airlock into space. After three successful throws, enjoy the end scene and be proud to have played Conker’s Bad Fur Day to the end…
This is your intro level. You'll learn basic manoeuvres here. Use them
well, and enjoy your temporary invincibility...
Control over Conker at this point is sluggish at best, him being
hungover and all... Steer him as best as you can around the back side of the fenced enclosure before you. You'll have a little chit-chat
with Birdy the Scarecrow. He'll tell you to go to the other side of
him. Do so, walking onto the podium, and he'll (to the best of his
drunken ability) explain "context-sensitive" buttons to ya, whereby you
press B and stuff happens...
So, press B, like he says, and you'll hand him a bottle of brew, which
he'll gratefully accept, and he'll point you towards the other one you
just walked by. Head towards the other one, or you can press B on the same one again, where you'll give him a tank of helium (?) and another bottle of ale.
Anyway, step on the other B Pad, and Conker will pop some Alka-Seltzer
for ya. In this crazy world, it sobers you right up. Remember that...
Conker will then explain context-sensitive a bit more clearly and you'll
be sobered up and on your way! NOTE: You can only use B Pads when the lightbulb appears above Conker's head...
Thankfully, you're now in full, standard control of Conker:
L: Skip Cutscene (Must have watched it once)
R: Hold to look around with Stick
Up C: Shift camera from close to long
Down C: Centres camera behind Conker
Left/Right C: Rotate Camera in that direction.
START: Pause the game. You can do this at just about any time (even
(You actually have all this from the get-go, but jumping etc. doesn't
really work when hammered)
So, hop in the water and swim to the island near the edge of the
waterfall. Don't worry about falling off, you'll land safely at the
bottom. Note the wad of bills behind the grating. Don't worry about it
though, you'll get it MUCH later... You can swim into the cave at the
end, and you'll reappear at the top next to Beard... eh, Birdy...
Once you reach the island, Conker will remember his High Jump and his Helicoptery Tail Thing:
Hold Z, then press A: High Jump
Jump, then press and hold A in midair: Helicoptery Tail Thing
So, it's your mission to jump and hover clockwise around the wall of
this open area. Good place to practice, really. Ignore the door as
you pass it, and continue jumping until you reach the bridge at the
top. There's a gargoyle sitting in the middle. Have a chat if you
wish. Don't try to push or hit him, though, as he'll grab you and toss
you down the falls (Again, you won't get hurt). Note the lever just in
front of the bridge, however. High Jump up and you'll automatically
Will wonders never cease; it opens the door you passed! Hop down the way you came to the door. Once you enter, it'll slam shut behind you and lock. Fortunately, the key is right in front of you (so, why did
we enter again?) Oddly enough, this key seems quite active, and afraid of you. Chase the key and Conker will remember he had something. Press B...
B: Swing Frying Pan
Oh, a frying pan! Of course! I can see how he forgot that...
Anyway, dash towards the key, and bash him with the utensil, and it'll
collapse on the ground. Walk towards it, and you'll automatically pick
it up. Walk towards the door, and you're free!
Now, how 'bout that lump of stone blocking the way? Make your way up to our friend here (you'll chat with him if you haven't already). Get
close and quickly smack him with the pan. He'll be amused at your
attempts to uproot him. He'll be so amused that he'll lose his footing
and land hard at the bottom of the falls. Whatever...
D'oh! The tremor of the impact jarred loose a boulder, and you've got
ANOTHER lump of stone blocking your way! Look off to the right of the boulder, and you'll notice a wooden platform. High Jump onto the rock, and take a running leap over to the platform. Convenient place for a B Pad...
Bada-BOOM! No more rock... Proceed through the passageway, and you'll be treated to a cutscene over at Panther King land, and you'll learn the reason why Conker will become such a wanted man in the future...
This is technically the main hub area for the game. You'll be
returning here many times, and not everything can be done in one trip
here, so it's all split up. I'll be making separate sections for each
of the three big trips to Windy.
NOTE: In the last cutscene, you learned about Anti-Gravity Chocolate.
This is the stuff your life bar's made of. You have a maximum of six
NOTE: If, at any time, you run out of chocolate (health), you'll visit
Gregg, the Grim Reaper (don't laugh). He'll explain (rather
begrudgingly) that Tails are your lives. Once you grab the Tail, you'll
return to life. Tails will then appear around the world in certain
locations. For instance, there'll be one right on the signpost in this
Walk down the slope, picking up the chocolate, and head in the direction of "Nice". You'll meet up with Mrs. Bee who'll lament to you about the loss of her hive. Natch, it's your duty to get it back. Head back to the signpost, and go towards "Nasty". Walk up to big honeycombed area and pick up the hive in front of it. Once you do, three nasty wasps (Wayne and the Wankas Gang) will pop out and try to sting yer tail... Hightail it out of there as fast as possible. Don't get hit, or you'll drop the hive, and you'll have to start over. Fortunately, if you run at top speed, the stingers will just miss you. So, run like heck, and watch out when you get to the area with a green circle surrounded by a yellow circle. That yellow ground is sticky honey and will slow you down, so run around it, all the way down, past the signpost, and back to Mrs. Bee. She'll be so pleased, she'll give you a reward of 100 smackers.
Now, cross the bridge, and walk up to the B pad area. Some dung
beetles will notice you, but they won't attack unless you get close, so
don't get close. Walk onto the B Pad, and charming old Birdy will give
you info about the "manual". He wants money for it, so that's why you
did the little favor for Mrs. Bee. Cough up the change, and he'll
cough up the manual (note the Full Metal Jacket reference). Your cash is very loyal, so it'll hop out of Birdy's pocket and right back to
you. Fair enough.
Now, step on the B Pad, and you'll learn about the catapult (slingshot
here in the States):
Simple enough. Now, time to take care of those dung beetles who have some kind of thing against you. Hit one with the slingshot and it'll fly up to charge and attack. Hit it again to turn it into a gooey
mess. Do this for all four and you'll be able to proceed. A door will
open up in the odd wheat-like structure.
You can explore the rest of this area, if you wish, but you can't do
anything. You can go to the poo area, and you'll find a cabin that
says "Back at 10". No can do there... Past it, you'll notice a ladder
leading up to a hole. Entering it will take you to a rickety bridge,
across which lies the Feral Reserve Bank... Attempting to cross it will
leave you down in the mud, so you're not going that way, either. Only
way to go is through the entrance opened up when you beat the dung
This area is full of nice little farm-related surprises, and some that
are not-quite-so farm related...
Head to the right of the barn in front of you, and you'll run across a
very stinky mouse (so stinky, that Conker has trouble keeping his
lunch down) and a metal block with a bigger one on his back. The block wants you to get rid of the rat. To do this, head around the left side of the barn, up the slope, timing your movements so you avoid the blocks trying to crush you, and run up to the block in front of the
fence, who'll introduce himself as Burt. You'll tell him Jack sent
you, and he'll open the fence leading to the cheese bouncing around.
To grab the cheese, hit one with your frying pan and run into it. Run
back to the mouse, and he'll happily eat the cheese. Do this twice
more, and Marvin the mouse will get a REALLY bad case of gas...
BIG TIP! Start jumping around on the walls behind the cheese enclosure. When you have some good height above the wall that has the least height, you'll see the "bulb". Press B, and you'll anvil smash the rock. Sitting there will be a tail. Pick it up, and you'll have an extra TEN tails to your name! Pretty sweet.
Now that the big block's off Jack, hop up onto the blocks, then onto
the pipe lining the barn, then onto the roof. Snag the wad of cash
sitting up there, and Conker will note that it's ten o' clock. You can
go back and go inside the cabin in Poo Land, but, since I'm trying to
keep everything together here, we'll finish this area...
While on top of the barn, step on the big button, and you'll open the
main door. Hop down carefully, and enter. You'll find a bunch of
haystacks hopping around, and at the far end are Franky the Pitchfork, Reg the Brush, and Ron the Paint Pot. Ron will mention it's the Franky's turn to do the butt-kicking, so trot on over there and oblige him.
Franky the Fork will start chasing you around, and when he gets close, he'll go for a dashing poke attack. The way to win this fight is to lead him near the haystacks, and get behind them. When he sticks the stacks, they blow. Once you've busted up all the stacks, he'll give up, and decide, since he's no good at butt-kicking that he'll kill himself. Unfortunately, he has no neck, so hanging himself has just put him in a position in which he can't move... D'oh...
Anyhoo, there's a lever on the wall opposite the door. Pull on it, and
the King Bee will tumble out from his perch high above outside. Push on the main door, and go outside.
The King Bee will be sitting outside. Talk to him, and he'll mention
the sunflower, and how he wants to "pollinate" her... Uh...huh...
So, have a chat with her, and you'll learn that she's ticklish... Go
back to the wooden platform near the King Bee, and you'll see a small swarm of Tickly Bees (just what you needed). They'll follow you to her, where they'll stay while she giggles.
So, that's one, and now you need to find four more swarms and bring them to her. Here are the locations of all five:
1: Wooden platform near the King
2: Near the entrance to this area.
3: Roof with the switch to open the barn.
4: On the walls behind the cheese enclosure.
5: Up high in the big bucket. Climb onto the roof, then High Jump to
the top of the thatch, then climb the rest of the way up.
You can grab them all in a bunch. They'll follow you slowly.
Once all five are there, her magnificent stigmas will be exposed in all
their glory (Calm yourselves, gents...) Conker's expression during
this cutscene is priceless, really... Now, the sunflower will ask you
if you fancy a bounce. Yes, you do...
High Jump onto her stigmas, and you'll be launched into the air, near
an opening that has a wad of sponduli (money). You need to launch high, though, and it's rather tough to do. You need to press A just before you launch. If you flip in the air, you're doing it wrong. You need to launch straight up so you can hover over to the opening and snag the money.-
Barry + Co
All right. Now, High Jump onto the wooden crate bouncing around the wooden platform, and enter the barn. Some bats hanging in the rafters will notice you. Once you cross the thin beams, they'll try to swoop down and attack you. Note that while you're on the beams, you'll get a lightbulb. Wait until you hear the bat squeak, then press B. Conker will whip out his trusty flamethrower and torch the offending rodent. Heh...
Continue along the beams torching bats, and hit the B Pad. Conker will pull out his ginsu knives (aren't cartoons great?) and you can throw them at Franky. Aim for the rope he's hanging from, and throw five knives at him. After the fifth one, you'll sever the rope, dropping
him to the ground.
Drop to the ground, yourself, and you'll talk to Franky. He'll offer
you a ride:
Head for Mr. Big Haystack with Arms. Stab him, while trying to avoid
his slaps, and he'll catch fire. Stab him again, and he'll partially
burn away, revealing a Terminator-like eye. Stab him once more, and
he'll bust up the floor, tumbling the three of you down into the
It's time for a match with the nasty Haybot. Conker's at a bit of a
disadvantage, since he hurt his leg in the fall, so you can be the most
mobile on Franky.
The Haybot first attacks by launching Suzie 9mm missiles when you're far away, and slaps you when you're near. If you're in range of either of these attacks, jump to avoid them. Run behind one of the three pipes surrounding the area and the missiles will bust it open. Haybot will then chase after you. Lure him into the water gushing from the pipe, and he'll be electrocuted by the wires, causing him to spin around slowly...
Note the button on his back that says "Do Not Push". Hmm... Hop up
next to him, jump towards his back, and you'll get the "bulb". Press B,
and Conker will jam the button down, blowing his arm.
You need to do this twice more, with the two other pipes in the area.
Once you jam the button down for the third time, Haybot will be scrap
Don't start celebrating yet. You've got to get out of here, and the
water level's rising, getting really close to those hanging wires...
Swim over to the big pipe with the Exit signs. Climb up the ladder,
and hurry to the B Pad. You'll pull out your knives again. Hurl them
at the wires nearest you. If you face towards the center of the
basement, there's one above and to the left, one behind and below you, partially submerged in the water, and a third to your right and above you. Slice all three of these at the contact point to the pipes and they'll drop off. Swim across to the next ladder, and climb it. At
the top, you'll do it again, although this time the three wires you
have to hit are further away. One to your left, one's across the
center, and the third's above and to the right. Once all three of those
wires are gone. The water will rise up to its top height. You'll have
an opening you can climb out.
Once through the opening, you'll notice a little guy with a tablet
(remember him from the beginning?) Step on his tablet and he'll fling you up. Land on the upper platform, and grab the money there. Phew...
All right. You're on the top of the barn now. Climb the ladder next to
you and scale to dizzying heights. Be careful of the wasp patrolling
the ladder. Timing is everything here. Move past him just as he goes
past the ladder. Keep climbing, dodging the wasps, until you reach the
top. You'll notice a chocolate at the end of the board, and another in
thin air. Jump out to the chocolate in thin air, and the "bulb" will
pop up. Quickly hit B and you'll turn into an anvil, and super slam
all the way down to the bottom of the bucket. Hitting the button at the
bottom of the bucket will open the grating down in the little stream
area. Inside, you'll find a tail and some more money. You should have $500 at this point.
Windy, Part II
You'll be doing a lot more here, now. This time around, you'll enter an
all-new part of Windy that could be seen as part of Barn Boys, what with the cows...
Run back to Windy, then head to the cabin in the pooey area. You'll see a cutscene where you'll get an idea on the relative intelligence of the Panther King and his lackeys...
Anyway, you'll enter the cabin, and Conker will speak to a dung beetle, who'll tell him that he'll make him a ball of poo if he fills up the
hole beneath the nearby trapdoor with poo, using cows....
Folks, now I suggest you not continue if you've eaten in the last
hour or so... ~_^
So, hop onto the trapdoor and press B to anvil smash it. You'll hear
the cry of money, but you can't do anything about it now, so just ignore
Anyway, you'll be in a big cylindrical pit here... (If you fall,
you'll return to the cabin) Jump on the ropes and use them to climb
up to an opening in the wall with poo flowing out of it. Run up the
slope and you'll soon come to an opening which will lead you to an
Actually, this "verse", if you will, is pretty short. You'll meet up
with a bull here (you had to be a RED squirrel, didn't you?) If you
enter his little arena, he'll try to charge you. Avoid him for now,
and head off to the left where there's a shack structure labelled
The climb to the top of the structure can get a bit dicey, because
there are balls of poo rolling down the slopes. Just try to avoid them
the best you can scale the top to the faucet. Run clockwise around the spigot to open it, and dump prune juice into the trough below.
If you didn't know, prune juice is a good natural laxative...
So, a target just popped up, and there's a bull several feet from it.
Getting the picture yet?
All right. Time to find out what this bull's good for... First, get
him to chase you (not a hard thing to do). If he's just about to ram
you and there's no way you can use that ram, just jump straight up into the air, and he should miss you.
Anyway, stand in front of the target, and jump at the last second. The
bull will smash into the target, and a door will pop open, revealing a
cow. The cow will start muching on the grass. She needs a little
help from you.
Here's where things get interesting. Another target has appeared, but this one's part of a wall. Lead the bull here, and he'll get stuck,
monetarily. Run up to him, and you'll hop on his back. He's VERY
Stick: Move around (it's rather tough to get him where you want to go,
B: Charge (Don't miss, or he'll toss you and you'll lose health)
So, line yourself up in front of the cow and press B. He'll charge into
her, and she'll walk over to the prune juice. I think you can guess
what happens here... (Ugh...)
Anyway, you need more cows, so the first order of business is to move this one out of the way. Charge into her again, and she'll be moved out of the way, rather messily...
Now, the whole thing will have to be repeated twice more with the
target hitting, the bull riding, and the hitting of cows. The only
difference is that now the cows require more than one hit to get them
to the prune juice. The second requires two, and the third requires
Once you've splattered all three cows, you'll get tossed clear, and the
bull will be left standing on the grate, which, unfortunately, can't
support his weight... Down he goes...
And down you should go after him...
Hold your nose folks... We're going for a swim...
Drop into the hole and you'll land in the "brown water". Swim over to
the tail, then to the opening in the wall. In this area, there'll be a
B Pad just onshore. Hop onto it, and Conker will take his "Confidence Pill". He'll get rid of his cute, little floaties at this point, and you'll be able to swim underwater:
B (in water): Dive
Stick (underwater): Steer
B (underwater): Swim
Note Conker's face as you dive underwater, as his cheeks get bigger, and his eyes bulge, he'll have less and less air. When he's reached maximum bulgage, you'll start losing health. Restore your air by going to the surface, or finding air bubbles in certain places.
Anyway, return to the first area and swim down. Find the opening, and
swim to the surface, where you'll be able to collect some money. Dive
down again, and swim the remainder of the way back, into the cabin.
Exit the cabin, and it's time for some poo-rollin'...
Great Balls of Poo
Okay... Using these balls of poo, you can open up two new areas. In
this walkthrough, we'll open both of them up right now for simplicity
Okay. Get behind the ball, and push it around. Get the feel for how
pushing something is. Run the ball up the slope to the right of the
cabin (if you're facing the door) and roll it up the side of Poo Hill.
Note the beetles along the way. They won't actively attack you, but
will hurt you if you get too close, and they can also push your ball of
poo as they move. Wait until they pop inside their little holes in the
wall, and keep moving. Soon, you'll be above a really big dung beetle.
Conker will add a stick of TNT to the ball, and push it over the edge.
The dung beetle swallows it, and the rest is history. Don't worry if
you fall through all this. If you land on the hill, you'll land safely
(head-first) in the poo...
Now, take the next ball of poo, and roll it up the slope next to the
barricaded door. Using the same methods of avoiding the beetles, roll it all the way to the hole at the top. You're too small to fit in the
hole, but the poo ball will roll down and burst out the barricaded door,
opening the way to the chapter "Sloprano". You can go there now, or
just finish here. While you're up here, High Jump to the top of the
mountain and pick up the cash there.
You can also take this time to pick up another wad of cash. Head over to the wasp's nest, and High Jump to the opening in the nest, on the left, you'll reappear on the right side, and you can jump again to the opening at the top. Go in there, and you'll snag some more dough.
Take the third ball of poo, and roll it down past the ladder that leads
to the Feral Reserve Bank. Note the sign that says "No Pooballs!"
Sounds like an invitation to me... Roll it off the edge, and you'll
hit one of the armored guards down there. Hop down next to him, and you'll see a button. Press B when you step on it, and you'll anvil
smash it, opening the plug, and the two armored guards swimming around inside will be sucked down the vortex. Now, the pool never drains, but you have to stay clear of the vortex, or it'll cost you a life. Now, just swim through the door on the far end of the pool, and you'll enter a new chapter...
E. Bats Tower
This area's rather varied. It's a mix of water and fire. You have to
be a fast runner, a fast swimmer, and have good aim (for more things
Enter the area and you'll be immediately greeted by several lady
catfish, who sound a lot like stuffy old British dowagers. They'll
offer you some change if you help them with the problem of the Bullfish
near their safe at the end of the river.
Swim downstream, and under a waterfall, there's a small cave where you
can pick up some chocolate and a tail. Swim further down near the safe,
and you'll see the Bullfish snapping from his chain. Look below you,
and you'll see a hole at the bottom of the pool. Swim into it, and
you'll be taken to a new area.
Remember Barry? He's the bat you torched back in the barn. His friends are in this area to make your life miserable (or more enjoyable if you have a thing for torching bats).
Anyway, swim to the surface of this area, and waltz over to the guys on the wall. The rather rude cog (or amicable, whatever side of his is on top) will tell you to get his other cogs. You'll do that in a moment,
but first, you need to open the gateway there. To do that, step on the
nearby platform with ropes attached to ride up to the next level of the
tower. There'll be a series of thin rafters (for balancing acts) and
climbing ropes on your way up the tower. There's a bat for every
rafter, so remember to listen for the squeaks and fire up your torch
by pressing B.
Once you reach the top of the tower, you'll see a platform sticking out
towards the other side. The lever's over there. Before you go for it,
you may have heard the shouts of money nearby. Hop onto the wall of the tower, then float across from high stone to high stone clockwise around the wall. Do this to avoid the armored guards in the area. Once you snag the cash, fly clockwise to get back to your starting spot. Drop back down to the platform, then leap out and grab the lever. A grate way down back in the water will open.
Make your way down to the bottom of the tower, jump into the water, and swim into the previously area. Avoid the swimming armored guards (they won't actively chase you) and swim to the surface, where you'll find a female cog running around. Whack it with your pan and grab it, and return the same way to the mean cog. Walk up the steps to put the cog on the peg. Parents... This may be a good time to put the kids to bed...
Anyway, head back in the water, and go back to the area where you found the female cog. You'll see a pipe leading into a new area. This place has two female cogs bouncing around. They're not that easy to catch, because they're faster than you and run when they see you. Best way to get them is to keep jumping and swing the pan as soon as you land next to them. It's tough, but not impossible.
Return the two cogs individually to their spots, and run clockwise on
the circular platform in the center. You have to get up some good speed to get going. Once you've finished, the Bullfish's chain will be much shorter, effectively removing the threat. Also, the nasty cog will get what he deserves, although the "charming" side of him rather enjoys it...
A relatively short stanza. Head back out to the main area, and to where the catfishes are waiting. They'll ask you to lead them to the safe. Note that as you speak, the two armored guards from the tunnel come out. Now is the point where they'll actively give chase... As they get close, just hop into the air and hover further upstream to the safe.
Once you get there, the catfish in charge will open up the safe, and you can just hop right in.
Well, apparently this money doesn't want to live in your pocket. He
hops out and steals down the shaft in the middle, and the doors slam shut behind him. Your mission now, should you choose to accept it, is to open that hatch, using naught but your trusty slingshot. How? Simple. On the far wall, opposite the B Pad, is a rotating wheel that
exposes letters as it rotates. All you have to do is spell "OPEN" and
Hey! I said it was simple! I didn't say it was easy!
Honestly, getting the accuracy down on the slingshot is tough, and to
make matters worse, everytime you miss three times, or hit a wrong
letter, one of the armored guards nearby jumps up and rushes you. You have to wing him to knock him back so you can try again without taking damage.
So, spell OPEN, and hop in. On the B Pad down here, you'll whip on a miner's helmet, and snap in a battery. Good for seeing down there...
This area's not easy... Largely, it's because Conker's not a fast
swimmer, so you'll spend a while getting mad at Conker for not getting to air fast enough...
Anyway, you can think of this area has four big vertical pipes. One is
in the center, and three are around it like a triangle. Each of the
outer pipes is connected to the center one by two small pipes.
The pipes are guarded by guys called Clangs. A Clang is basically a
submerged metal eyeball that bites you if you get close. There's one
in the entrance pipe, one in each of the connecting pipes, and one in
the exit pipe.
Now, the purpose of the miner's helmet is to blind the Clangs. It's not
all that necessary, nor is it terribly useful, though, and the battery
doesn't last long at all.
Okay, you're in the entrance pipe. Make your way down, ducking into
side chambers with air bubbles if Clang gets close. Heck, duck into
side chambers anyway to replenish your air. If Conker starts turning
blue, you're in trouble. Once at the bottom, watch the Clang patrolling
the connecting pipes (flashing green). Follow the Clang into the one
he goes into, not the one he comes out of, to be safest. You'll reach
the center pipe. Swim up and grab some air. You can also snap in a new battery if you wish for your headlamp.
Dive back down and head to the blue flashing pipes, again watching for the Clang. Swim , then surface as soon as possible, and grab the lever in this area. Swim back to the main pipe, then swim to the pipes with yellow flashing lights. You'll be in the exit pipe, which is
similar to the entrance pipe, in that there is a Clang patrolling it,
and there are side chambers with air all along the way. Use those
air chambers, and surface. In this new area, drop down the hole in the floor.
Sounds good from the title, eh?
When you enter this place, you'll find two Fire Imps stoned out of their
skulls. They'll notice you, and notice that you're flammable. That
could spell trouble. If you get near the boiler (where they hide)
they'll pop out and attack you.
Since they're made of fire, you'll need some kind of water-like
substance to put it out, but you can't use the beer in the keg, 'cause
it's alcohol... Wonder what you can use, hmm?
Aw, who'm I kidding? You know it. I know it. You gotta pee on 'em.
Okay. The way to do this is to head to the keg and press B to load up.
Conker will be a little tipsy after consuming so much, so he'll be a
little tougher to control. Anyway, pick a spot that feels good to you
(I suggest near that first aid kit to the left of the keg area) and
press B to start the fun!
B: Unzip/Zip Up
Z: Extend Stream
I love the music when he lets loose. Anyway, the stream's not that hard
to control. Just hold Z the whole time and you'll have a nice big
stream to play with. To put out a Fire Imp, you'll have to hit it with
a pretty constant stream. There are four in play at once, and every
time you put out one, another appears. You need to douse eight Fire
Imps before you can continue.
If, by the way, you run out of "juice", you'll be hungover (Conker will
stop every several seconds to let out a technicolor yawn) and you'll
have to make your way over to the first aid kit, where you'll pop some
Alka-Seltzer, and he'll be as good as new.
Just when you thought this scene couldn't get more tasteless...
The Fire Imps will realize they can't beat you, so they hop in the
Boiler to let him take over. They push a special button, and SPROING...
Don't try to rationalize... Just fight...
Well, the object here is to lure the Boiler into one of the four
corners. Once he's there (under a drain), High Jump to the chain above
your head. You'll dump a ton of poo on him, and he'll stagger back and wobble back and forth, exposing his batch. Run up to him and press B.
Now, I gotta give props to Rare for this. They could have just stuck
with the frying pan. No no no... They have high standards... Instead
of using the pan, Conker takes out two big bricks and slams them
So, all you have to do is do the same thing for each of the four
corners (lure to the drain, poo dump, brick smash). Eventually, you'll
knock the balls off, putting the Boiler out of commission. Go you!
So, there are still Fire Imps in the area, and you can't douse them,
just avoid them. You have to push the brass balls around now. One
has to go on a little depression near a door opposite the first aid
kit, and the other gets rolled down the slope that's behind the door to
take out the armored guard behind.
Finally, you're back in the safe. Grab the cash and step outside.