Retro Game Walkthroughs For
"Conker's Bad Fur Day"
(Nintendo 64)

Starting off:

Speak to the scarecrow, he'll tell you about context sensitive
bottons. Use the way by the gate he opens to clear your head.
Swim across the water, to another patch of land. Use your
'spinny tail thing' to jump across the gaps. Keep going until
you find a gargoyle sitting on the bridge. Pull the lever on the
wall opening a door that you had earler passed. Enter the door,
and whack the key with your frying pan to get out. Make your way
back to the gargoyle, and whack him with the frying pan. This
will get rid of him, but some boulders will block the passage.
Jump on the boulder that blocks your way, then high jump to
another platform with a 'B' pad on it. Use it to make Conker
whip out some dynamite, and blow the boulders out of the way.
You can now exit through the passage!

Hive recovery 1:

Head down, then right. The bee will ask you to get back her hive
from the wasps. Follow the path beside the river (don't cross
the bridge) to the yellow area in which the wasps reside. Grab
the hive, and run. The wasps will follow you, but as long as you
stick to the path you'll get back to the bee before they get
you. Now cross the bridge, speak to Birdy then hop on the
context sensitive button to draw your slingshot. Hit each dung
beetle twice then head into the passage in the tree.

The metal crates and the mouse:

Get rid of the mouse by going to see Burt the crate. He'll open
a gate for you, after you've spoken to the other crates,
allowing you to pick up a piece of cheese, after whacking it
with your frying pan, and walk out. Guide Conker past the
jumping crates and take the cheese to the mouse, but he'll ask
for more. Give him three pieces and he'll be out of your way.
The scared crate will jump back down into place, so you can jump
on her, and onto the roof of the barn, grab the money, and hit a
button to open the barn door.

The pitchfork in the barn:

Go into the barn, and the door will get closed behind you. A
pitchfork will decide to attack you. The only way to stop him is
to make him hit the other stacks of hay. Keep moving, and get
the other side of a hay-stack as he jumps at you to dispose of
them all. Once the pitchfork has given up, pull the lever on the
wall, and leave.

The bee and the big-breasted flower:

Back outside will be a bee, he'll tell you a sad tale of lust
and desperation, and point you in the direction of a sun-flower.
Your job is to now guide 5 swarms of bees to her, to tickle her.
These swarms can be found at the following locations:
1) Below the entrance to the top part of the barn, near where
the rickety crate is jumping in a circle.
2)By the entrance to this area
3)On the roof of the barn where you earlier pushed the switch to
open the barn-door.
4)On the ledges near the cheese pieces.
5)Way up high, climb the ladder on top of the roof, and on the
huge bucket's ledge you'll find the last of the bees.

You can either take these to the flower one swarm at a time, or
all at once, it makes no difference. The bee will come and have
his wicked way with the sunflower, then she'll give you the
chance to bounce on her breasts. Bounce three times, and you'll
be able to hover into an alcove with some more money in it!

Bats in the barn:

Go back into the barn at the top entrance by jumping on the
jumping crate, then into the doorway. Once inside you'll have to
walk on some exceedingly narrow beams. Along the way are some
context sensitive areas. Hitting 'B' here will shoot out a jet
of flame, use it to kill the bats. Once you get to the last
platform, you'll see that the pitchfork that attacked you
earlier had decided to commit suicide, by hanging himself. Only
he didn't quite manage it, and is stuck hanging in the air.
There's another context sensitive button here. Use it to pull
out some throwing knives. Press 'Z' to throw them, and try to
cut the pitchfork free. Jump down to him.

Giant Haystacks:

At the bottom of the barn is a huge hatstack. Hop on the
pitchfork, and use 'B' to attack the haystack. Avoid it's arms,
and hit it three times to make it fall through the floor. You'd
better go straight after it! It turns out that this haystack is
more than you bargained for, and is actually a robot! There are
some pipes, which you must hide behind whilst the robot fires
rockets at you! This will cause water to leak out of them. The
robot will come for you, and walk into the water, causing him to
spin. Run up to him (on the pitchfork) and jump to hit a button
on the back of him with the 'B' button. Repeat this process with
the other two water pipes, by hiding behind them until the get
shot to defeat the giant robot haystack.

Rising water and electric wires:

The water starts to rise once the robot is dead, so climb the
ladder behind one of the pipes, up to a context sensitive
button. This will again arm you with throwing knives. There are
three wires to cut down, by hitting the very top of the wire.
Once they're gone jump into the water, and swim across to the
next ladder. Climb to the top to the next context sensitive
button, and take out a further 3 wires. Swim for the door to
safety. Once back in the barn use the monk to get onto the
higher ledge. Jump on his tablet and he'll throw you off. Grab
the money, and get out of there.

You'll find yourself on a ledge by a ladder. Climb up as high as
you can, avoiding the wasps, then walk the plank. Jump of the
end and hover until you get the lightbulb appear over your head.
Press 'B' to turn into an anvil, and crash down safely. This
will open up a passage at the bottom of this area, where you'll
find some more money.

Poo:

Head back towards the pooey area, and head into the cabin. Speak
to the dung beetle, and jump down the trap door, by pressing 'B'
when the lightbulb appears. Follow the passage along, and then
jump onto the ropes. Make your way up and out of the exit on the
other end to find an area containing a bull!

Prune juice and cow poo:

Make your way around the outside of the area to where the dung
balls are rolling down. Using your best sense of timing, sneak
up and past them. Get on the circular bit, which acts like a
tap. Run clockwise, in circles around it, and it will open a
valve to empty prune juice into the trough below. Once this is
done a target will appear down below, where the bull roams. Your
goal is to make the bull hit the target. Being red he's
attracted to Conker, so just stand near it, and make sure you
get out of the way in time! Once he's hit the target a cow will
come out and start munching on the grass, and another target wil
appear. Get the bull to hit this second target, and he'll get
stuck in the wood. If you stand right above the target, he can't
hit you, and you can drop straight onto him. When on the bull,
aim for the cow, and press 'B'. This will cause the bull to
charge the cow, and she'll go for a drink. Drinking the prune
juice will give her the runs, and she'll start to fill up an
area beneath a grate. Get back on the bull (if he's thrown you
off) and ram the cow again, to get it out of the way for the
next one. You'll have to repeat the process of freeing the cow
and butting it twice more, though the other cows will need to be
hit 2 and 3 times respectively. Once the third cow has been
demolished, you'll have enough poo to move on!

Swimming in it:

Leave the area the way you came in, and be ready to swim. Head
across to the alcove, and you'll find a context sensitive
button. Press 'B' and Conker will gain the confidence to swim
underwater. So now you can dive right into the poo water. Dive
down and follow the path you came in on, only it's now
underwater. Make sure you grab the money on the way, and come
back out into the cabin. You are now allowed to take a ball of
poo!

Great Balls of Poo:

Take one of the balls of poo, and roll it around along the path,
past the ladder, and let it drop off the end between the fence
where you can see the water. It should hit one of those spikey
things on the head, and get it out of your way. Jump down, and
use the switch to pull the plug, and create a whirlpool in the
water. You'll now be able to swim through to an exit on the
other side.

Catfish and Dogfish:

In this new area you'll be approached by some catfish, they'll
pay you to get their money from their safe, past a nasty
dogfish. So jump into the water, and swim around the corner.
When you see the dogfish, avoid it at all costs. Swim down into
the passage to find yourself inside the tower.

Climbing the tower:

Speak with the cog on the wall, he's missing the lady cogs, and
asks you to go fetch them for him. A lift will drop behind you,
so hop on it, and off again at the walkway above. You'll have to
carefully walk along beams. You can stop, and press 'B' at
various places along the beams to use your flamethrower to take
out the bats. Once across the beam, you can climb a rope up to
another one. In total there are three beams to cross. Once past
these, you'll see a lever. Give it a pull to open an area you'll
need to go into later. Continue up the tower though, jumping on
the ropes, until you reach the very top. Now make your way
clockwse around the edge of the tower, timing jumps to get over
the spikey things. Keep going around until you find the money,
then jump down into the water back outside the tower.

Getting the cogs:

Go back into the tower, as you did earlier. Follow the passage
which is now open underwater, past the spikey things. You'll
come into a small circular area. Hit the cogs with your frying
pan, grab them, and swim carefully back past the spikey things,
and up to where they belong. Return all three cogs, and you'll
be able to work the treadmill thing in the middle of the room.
Run clockwise on it, and once it's going really fast, it will
pull in the dogfish's lead, allowing the catfish to come and
open the safe!

Inside the safe:

Once in you'll see a spinning thing, revealing letters. Hop on
the context sensitive button and hit 'B' to draw your slingshot.
Hit the letters to spell 'OPEN' to move onto the next bit. If
you miss three times and enemy will come at you, hit them with
the slingshot to stop them.

Swimming past the clangy things:

Put your headlight on using the context sensitive button then
dive into the water. There's a few passages to navigate, and it
can be quite frustrating. Be sure to grab some air at every
opportunity, look out for pipes leaking air-bubbles. Swim right
to the bottom of the first passage, stop in the alcoves to avoid
the big clangy thing, and grab the air. Swim through the green
tunnel, then up to the top to get more batteries for your light,
to help you see. Head next for the upper blue tunnel, and
surface once through it to pull a lever to open yet more
tunnels. Head through the green tunnel back to where you earlier
were, grab some air, then head through the upper yellow tunnel.
Swim up avoiding the clangy things in the alcoves to come out
into a boiler room.

Fire devils:

In the boiler room are some devils that want to set you on fire.
So get under the beer tap, and hit 'B' to drink. You'll have the
poor control of a drunk again, but it's necessary to deal with
them. Approach them near the boiler, and hit 'B' to unzip your
fly. Wee on the devils to extinguish them, use the 'Z' button to
give a stronger flow! Should you run out, you'll have to head to
the medicine cabinet at the side of the room, and take something
to sober up. Then go get another drink, and try again. You need
to put out 8 devils to move on to the next bit.

The Boiler with Balls:

The two remaining devils will hop in the boiler. You should run
into one of the corners. Wait for the boiler to move above the
grate on the floor. When it's there jump, and you'll pull a
rope, pouring stuff onto the boiler. As it stumbles back run
under it until the lightbulb appears, and hit 'B'to whip out a
pair of bricks and hit him in the balls! Repeat this for each
corner of the room. After the fourth hit, it will fall down, and
the balls run free. Roll one of them onto a switch to open the
door, and the other down the passage to get rid of the spikey
thing blocking your way. This will bring you back outside.

Return of the Dogfish:

The catfish will give you your 10%, which amounts to $10. Never
mind, as the dogfish chews off his lead, and proceeds to eat the
catfish. The bad news is that he's also after you. Swim back for
dry land, and try to keep ahead of the remaining catfish.
Jumping out of the water, and spinning will keep you safe, just
don't land in his jaws! Once back on dry land the dogfish will
ground himself trying to get you. High jump from him into an
alcove, to get more money.

Great Balls of Poo 2:

Go back into the pooey area, and get another poo ball. Roll it
up and over the bridge, then up the slope, avoiding the dung
beetles. Drop it onto the large dung beetle, and he'll get out
of your way. Get another poo ball, and roll in up the other side
of the mound. At the top get on the poo, and jump on the top of
the mound for more money, then push the poo into the hole to
open a door at the bottom.

Sweetcorn:

Go into the door, and you'll be asked to drop sweetcorn into the
pooey depths below by a big booming voice. Hit the bits of
sweetcorn with the frying pan, then approach the poo pool where
the ledge overlooks it to throw it in. You must avoid bits of
poo dropping from the ceiling, as well as a huge hand that tries
to swat you. You'll have to jump across a huge gap to get to
more sweetcorn, and you probably won't make it. Just keep
jumping and you won't sink. Get to the edge of the walkway, and
try to high-jump back onto it. Get all of the remaining
sweetcorn, and the great Sloprano shall emerge from the murky
depths.

The Great Sloprano:

Run around to avoid the poo that he slings at you, and when he
stops to sing, get on the 'B' pad, and to throw some loo roll
into his mouth. After one hit he'll cover the 'B' pad, so you'll
have to run back to the previous one. You'll need to fill his
gob with tissue twice before he'll wipe out the pad this time.
Back across the huge gap in the trail is the final 'B' pad. 3
wads of tissue will get him really angry, and his high voice
will smash a glass panel. Jump back over the gap, and along the
trail, into the newly opened area, grab the money, then pull the
chain to flush the mighty poo away. Hop down and out of the door
below to find another new area.

The blades:

Dive in the vat of water and get as close as you can to each
blade, then swim through swiftly, and straight to the air pipe.
It's a matter of timing, and a bit of luck. Jump out onto a
rope. Climb up to find, more blades! Hit the ground between two
of them, then spin jump over to the ladder, and climb up to
safety.
Into the Prehistoric zone:

Follow the path down toward the red lit temple. Avoid the
raptors using high jumps, and head into the tunnel to reach the
upper level. Grab the money, then jump on the top of the temple.
Pressing 'B' will now smash the temple down, 3 times will cause
it to fall into the ground below. If you fall off, climb back
on, and hit it again! This opens a tunnel at the base, head into
it, and up the slope towards the nightclub. Avoid the rock-men
outside, and take the ball on the left of the area and roll it
through the tunnel beneath the temple, keep pushing and it will
roll down the slope, knocking out two cavemen, and opening up a
hole in the wall.

Dinosaur:

Follow the path into the large cave, head down the ramp to the
right, and follow the wall around to a door in the corner.
Follow this path across the bridge, to were the monk is with the
stone tablet. Hop on it, and he'll throw you in the air. Land on
the egg, and hit 'B' for Conker to sit on the egg, until it
hatches! The dinosaur will now follow you, so continue to follow
the path, slowly, letting the dinosaur eat the cavemen. Keep
going until you get back into the large cave you were earlier
in. Leave the dinosaur near the dinosaur statue, eating cavemen,
and hop on the context sensitive button. Use your slingshot to
shoot the 'up' arrow on the wall. A platform will raise in the
air. Lead the dinosaur onto the altar beneath it, get back on
the button, and shoot the star on the wall, to bring it crashing
down on the dinosaur!

Dinosaur head:

This will open up the dinosaurs mouth. Get on the monks tablet,
and he'll throw you. Fly on top of the dinosaurs head, on it's
back you'll find some money. Get back on it's head, and near
it's nostrils, a lightbulb will appear, so hit 'B' to put pepper
into it's nose! Repeat with the other nostril. A big sneeze will
clear all of the snot from the dinosaurs tongue and throat, so
you can climb in. Avoid the swinging bits inside, take the
second right to find a dead caveman. Take his hat, and leave the
dinosaur the way you came in, with new head-gear!

Nightclub attack!

When wearing the hat the cavemen will worship you. Lead them
into battle against the rock-men outside the club. You've got to
make the first move, so hit one of the men with your frying pan.
Step aside and let them fight it out now. Once it's over the
bouncer will let you into the club.

In the Club:

Firstly roll the boulder up the slope onto the switch to open up
a tunnel. Now go to the keg, and hit 'B' to have a drink. Stand
near one of the rock-men on the dance floor, and wee on him.
He'll roll into a ball, so keep weeing (using 'Z' for more
power) and push him into the tunnel with your powerful blast!
Now sober up by going to the medicine cabinet. Go through the
tunnel and carefully push the rock-man behind the female
dancers, and onto a switch that opens two further tunnels. Drink
again, and pee on two more rock-men to push them into the
tunnels. Go into the middle tunnel, grab the money, and go to
leave.

Bomb run:

The bouncer catches you leaving with the money, so he takes you
to the boss. The boss has a job for you, to take a bomb back
into the cave, through the statue, and past where you found your
hat. You have 90 seconds, and should make it as long as you
avoid the rock-men and cavemen, and don't fall too far. Inside
the statue head left, then take the next left, avoiding the
swinging bits. Once you get to the dead caveman Conker will
throw the bomb. Anyway, this makes lava rise up, so quickly jump
across the platforms to an exit on the other side.

Jet board racing:

Hop on the spare jet board and chase the cavemen that have your
money. Hit them with your frying pan to get your money back.
It's a case of practice and learning through experience here, as
you'll learn the course, and when the obstacles are coming up,
and when to make jumps. After you knock the second guy off his
jet board the course changes, a gate opens and you have to go a
different way. Once you get the third one continue around the
course. You will have seen the money on the way round, now
you'll be able to speed up the ledge and jump for it, to end
this section.

Prehistoric Gladiators VS big dinosaur:

Run to the 'B' pad in the centre of the arena, and you'll be
able to hypnotize the dinosaur, and get on it! Attack the other
cavemen, using 'Z' to bite and swallow them. Once they're all
gone a couple of further waves of attackers will come after you.
If you fall off the dinosaur hypnotise it again, and hop back
on. Try not to have too many men after you at a time, and pick
on the individuals, and you'll soon beat, and eat, them all.

Buga's Big Bone:

Buga won't like you riding the dinosaur, and defeating all of
those people, so he want's to attack you with his big bone. When
he jumps in the air, get out of the way, and jump over the waves
that will spread over the ground as he lands, then attack him.
He'll raise his bone to hit you, so quickly use the dinosaur to
bite him in the crutch. Whilst he's in pain, run behind him, and
bite a chunk out of his bum by pressing 'B' when the lightbulb
appears. 3 bites will cause him to leave by making a big hole in
the wall. Go through it to his lady-friend, and follow the money
through the cave, and jump in the pit to be back out near the
vat with the blades in it. Go through the tunnel to find
yourself back in the pooey area.

Hive recovery 2:

Return to the bee to find the hive stolen again. Go right into
the wasps lair, and follow the yellow path right to the hive.
You'll get in it, and be in control of the guns. Wasps start
flying at you, so use 'Z' to fire, and shoot them all down as
they come at you in waves. Use the radar to see when they're
close. The waves get progressively more difficult, but with
practice, and a little luck, you'll soon wipe them all out. Hop
out of the hive, and return it to it's rightful owner for more
money. Return to the wasps nest, and jump into the different
areas to get higher up to reach a little more money.

The slope and worms:

Go across the bridge to where the dung beetles first were. Head
in the other direction up the slope. Go slowly, and try to only
make large moves when in the air, else bloodthirsty worms will
catch you, and take away your much needed energy. If you go
slowly you'll see the erupt from the ground. You can then high
jump and hover over them. Hop on the barrel and guide it back
down, killing the worms, and at the bottom it will burst into a
previously blocked off area. Swim into this new passage.

A. Hungover

This is your intro level. You'll learn basic manoeuvres here. Use them well, and enjoy your temporary invincibility...

---

Scaredy Birdy

Control over Conker at this point is sluggish at best, him being
hungover and all... Steer him as best as you can around the back side of the fenced enclosure before you. You'll have a little chit-chat
with Birdy the Scarecrow. He'll tell you to go to the other side of him. Do so, walking onto the podium, and he'll (to the best of his drunken ability) explain "context-sensitive" buttons to ya, whereby you press B and stuff happens...

So, press B, like he says, and you'll hand him a bottle of brew, which
he'll gratefully accept, and he'll point you towards the other one you
just walked by. Head towards the other one, or you can press B on the same one again, where you'll give him a tank of helium (?) and another bottle of ale.

Anyway, step on the other B Pad, and Conker will pop some Alka-Seltzer for ya. In this crazy world, it sobers you right up. Remember that...

Conker will then explain context-sensitive a bit more clearly and you'll
be sobered up and on your way! NOTE: You can only use B Pads when the lightbulb appears above Conker's head...

---

Pan-Handled

Thankfully, you're now in full, standard control of Conker:

Stick: Run
A: Jump
B: Swing
Z: Crouch
L: Skip Cutscene (Must have watched it once)
R: Hold to look around with Stick
Up C: Shift camera from close to long
Down C: Centres camera behind Conker
Left/Right C: Rotate Camera in that direction.
START: Pause the game. You can do this at just about any time (even during cutscenes)

(You actually have all this from the get-go, but jumping etc. doesn't
really work when hammered)

So, hop in the water and swim to the island near the edge of the
waterfall. Don't worry about falling off, you'll land safely at the
bottom. Note the wad of bills behind the grating. Don't worry about it
though, you'll get it MUCH later... You can swim into the cave at the
end, and you'll reappear at the top next to Beard... eh, Birdy...

Once you reach the island, Conker will remember his High Jump and his Helicoptery Tail Thing:

Hold Z, then press A: High Jump
Jump, then press and hold A in midair: Helicoptery Tail Thing

So, it's your mission to jump and hover clockwise around the wall of
this open area. Good place to practice, really. Ignore the door as
you pass it, and continue jumping until you reach the bridge at the
top. There's a gargoyle sitting in the middle. Have a chat if you wish. Don't try to push or hit him, though, as he'll grab you and toss you down the falls (Again, you won't get hurt). Note the lever just in front of the bridge, however. High Jump up and you'll automatically grab it.

Will wonders never cease; it opens the door you passed! Hop down the way you came to the door. Once you enter, it'll slam shut behind you and lock. Fortunately, the key is right in front of you (so, why did
we enter again?) Oddly enough, this key seems quite active, and afraid of you. Chase the key and Conker will remember he had something. Press B...

B: Swing Frying Pan

Oh, a frying pan! Of course! I can see how he forgot that...

Anyway, dash towards the key, and bash him with the utensil, and it'll
collapse on the ground. Walk towards it, and you'll automatically pick
it up. Walk towards the door, and you're free!

---

Gargoyle

Now, how 'bout that lump of stone blocking the way? Make your way up to our friend here (you'll chat with him if you haven't already). Get
close and quickly smack him with the pan. He'll be amused at your
attempts to uproot him. He'll be so amused that he'll lose his footing
and land hard at the bottom of the falls. Whatever...

D'oh! The tremor of the impact jarred loose a boulder, and you've got
ANOTHER lump of stone blocking your way! Look off to the right of the boulder, and you'll notice a wooden platform. High Jump onto the rock, and take a running leap over to the platform. Convenient place for a B Pad...

Bada-BOOM! No more rock... Proceed through the passageway, and you'll be treated to a cutscene over at Panther King land, and you'll learn the reason why Conker will become such a wanted man in the future...

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B. Windy

This is technically the main hub area for the game. You'll be
returning here many times, and not everything can be done in one trip
here, so it's all split up. I'll be making separate sections for each
of the three big trips to Windy.

NOTE: In the last cutscene, you learned about Anti-Gravity Chocolate.
This is the stuff your life bar's made of. You have a maximum of six
available.

NOTE: If, at any time, you run out of chocolate (health), you'll visit
Gregg, the Grim Reaper (don't laugh). He'll explain (rather begrudgingly) that Tails are your lives. Once you grab the Tail, you'll
return to life. Tails will then appear around the world in certain locations. For instance, there'll be one right on the signpost in this
area.

---

Mrs. Bee

Walk down the slope, picking up the chocolate, and head in the direction of "Nice". You'll meet up with Mrs. Bee who'll lament to you about the loss of her hive. Natch, it's your duty to get it back. Head back to the signpost, and go towards "Nasty". Walk up to big honeycombed area and pick up the hive in front of it. Once you do, three nasty wasps (Wayne and the Wankas Gang) will pop out and try to sting yer tail... Hightail it out of there as fast as possible. Don't get hit, or you'll drop the hive, and you'll have start over. Fortunately, if you run at top speed, the stingers will just miss you. So, run like heck, and watch out when you get to the area with a green circle surrounded by a yellow circle. That yellow ground is sticky honey and will slow you down, so run around it, all the way down, past the signpost, and back to Mrs. Bee. She'll be so pleased, she'll give you a reward of 100 smackers.

Now, cross the bridge, and walk up to the B pad area. Some dung
beetles will notice you, but they won't attack unless you get close, so
don't get close. Walk onto the B Pad, and charming old Birdy will give
you info about the "manual". He wants money for it, so that's why you
did the little favor for Mrs. Bee. Cough up the change, and he'll cough up the manual (note the Full Metal Jacket reference). Your cash is very loyal, so it'll hop out of Birdy's pocket and right back to you. Fair enough.

Now, step on the B Pad, and you'll learn about the catapult (slingshot
here in the States):

Stick: Aim
Z: Fire
B: Exit

Simple enough. Now, time to take care of those dung beetles who have some kind of thing against you. Hit one with the slingshot and it'll fly up to charge and attack. Hit it again to turn it into a gooey
mess. Do this for all four and you'll be able to proceed. A door will
open up in the odd wheat-like structure.

You can explore the rest of this area, if you wish, but you can't do
anything. You can go to the poo area, and you'll find a cabin that
says "Back at 10". No can do there... Past it, you'll notice a ladder
leading up to a hole. Entering it will take you to a rickety bridge,
across which lies the Feral Reserve Bank... Attempting to cross it will
leave you down in the mud, so you're not going that way, either. Only
way to go is through the entrance opened up when you beat the dung
beetles.

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Barn Boys

This area is full of nice little farm-related surprises, and some that
are not-quite-so farm related...

---

Marvin

Head to the right of the barn in front of you, and you'll run across a
very stinky mouse (so stinky, that Conker has trouble keeping his
lunch down) and a metal block with a bigger one on his back. The block wants you to get rid of the rat. To do this, head around the left side of the barn, up the slope, timing your movements so you avoid the blocks trying to crush you, and run up to the block in front of the
fence, who'll introduce himself as Burt. You'll tell him Jack sent
you, and he'll open the fence leading to the cheese bouncing around.

To grab the cheese, hit one with your frying pan and run into it. Run
back to the mouse, and he'll happily eat the cheese. Do this twice
more, and Marvin the mouse will get a REALLY bad case of gas...

BIG TIP! Start jumping around on the walls behind the cheese enclosure. When you have some good height above the wall that has the least height, you'll see the "bulb". Press B, and you'll anvil smash the rock. Sitting there will be a tail. Pick it up, and you'll have an extra TEN tails to your name! Pretty sweet.

Now that the big block's off Jack, hop up onto the blocks, then onto
the pipe lining the barn, then onto the roof. Snag the wad of cash sitting up there, and Conker will note that it's ten o' clock. You can go back and go inside the cabin in Poo Land, but, since I'm trying to keep everything together here, we'll finish this area...

---

Mad Pitchfork

While on top of the barn, step on the big button, and you'll open the
main door. Hop down carefully, and enter. You'll find a bunch of haystacks hopping around, and at the far end are Franky the Pitchfork,
Reg the Brush, and Ron the Paint Pot. Ron will mention it's the
Franky's turn to do the butt-kicking, so trot on over there and oblige
him.

Franky the Fork will start chasing you around, and when he gets close, he'll go for a dashing poke attack. The way to win this fight is to lead him near the haystacks, and get behind them. When he sticks the stacks, they blow. Once you've busted up all the stacks, he'll give up, and decide, since he's no good at butt-kicking that he'll kill himself. Unfortunately, he has no neck, so hanging himself has just put him in a position in which he can't move... D'oh...

Anyhoo, there's a lever on the wall opposite the door. Pull on it, and
the King Bee will tumble out from his perch high above outside. Push
on the main door, and go outside.

---

Sunny Days

The King Bee will be sitting outside. Talk to him, and he'll mention
the sunflower, and how he wants to "pollinate" her... Uh...huh...

So, have a chat with her, and you'll learn that she's ticklish... Go
back to the wooden platform near the King Bee, and you'll see a small swarm of Tickly Bees (just what you needed). They'll follow you to her, where they'll stay while she giggles.

So, that's one, and now you need to find four more swarms and bring them to her. Here are the locations of all five:

1: Wooden platform near the King
2: Near the entrance to this area.
3: Roof with the switch to open the barn.
4: On the walls behind the cheese enclosure.
5: Up high in the big bucket. Climb onto the roof, then High Jump to
the top of the thatch, then climb the rest of the way up.

You can grab them all in a bunch. They'll follow you slowly.

Once all five are there, her magnificent stigmas will be exposed in all
their glory (Calm yourselves, gents...) Conker's expression during
this cutscene is priceless, really... Now, the sunflower will ask you
if you fancy a bounce. Yes, you do...

High Jump onto her stigmas, and you'll be launched into the air, near
an opening that has a wad of sponduli (money). You need to launch high,
though, and it's rather tough to do. You need to press A just before
you launch. If you flip in the air, you're doing it wrong. You need to launch straight up so you can hover over to the opening and snag the
money.
---

Barry + Co

All right. Now, High Jump onto the wooden crate bouncing around the wooden platform, and enter the barn. Some bats hanging in the rafters will notice you. Once you cross the thin beams, they'll try to swoop down and attack you. Note that while you're on the beams, you'll get a lightbulb. Wait until you hear the bat squeak, then press B. Conker will whip out his trusty flamethrower and torch the offending rodent. Heh...

Continue along the beams torching bats, and hit the B Pad. Conker will pull out his ginsu knives (aren't cartoons great?) and you can throw them at Franky. Aim for the rope he's hanging from, and throw five knives at him. After the fifth one, you'll sever the rope, dropping
him to the ground.

---

Buff You

Drop to the ground, yourself, and you'll talk to Franky. He'll offer
you a ride:

A: Jump
B: Stab

Head for Mr. Big Haystack with Arms. Stab him, while trying to avoid
his slaps, and he'll catch fire. Stab him again, and he'll partially burn away, revealing a Terminator-like eye. Stab him once more, and he'll bust up the floor, tumbling the three of you down into the basement.

---

Haybot Wars

It's time for a match with the nasty Haybot. Conker's at a bit of a disadvantage, since he hurt his leg in the fall, so you can be the most
mobile on Franky.
The Haybot first attacks by launching Suzie 9mm missiles when you're far away, and slaps you when you're near. If you're in range of either of these attacks, jump to avoid them. Run behind one of the three pipes surrounding the area and the missiles will bust it open. Haybot will then chase after you. Lure him into the water gushing from the pipe, and he'll be electrocuted by the wires, causing him to spin around slowly...

Note the button on his back that says "Do Not Push". Hmm... Hop up
next to him, jump towards his back, and you'll get the "bulb". Press B,
and Conker will jam the button down, blowing his arm.

You need to do this twice more, with the two other pipes in the area.
Once you jam the button down for the third time, Haybot will be scrap
metal.

---

Frying Tonight

Don't start celebrating yet. You've got to get out of here, and the
water level's rising, getting really close to those hanging wires...

Swim over to the big pipe with the Exit signs. Climb up the ladder,
and hurry to the B Pad. You'll pull out your knives again. Hurl them
at the wires nearest you. If you face towards the center of the basement, there's one above and to the left, one behind and below you,
partially submerged in the water, and a third to your right and above
you. Slice all three of these at the contact point to the pipes and they'll drop off. Swim across to the next ladder, and climb it. At the top, you'll do it again, although this time the three wires you have to hit are further away. One to your left, one's across the center, and the third's above and to the right. Once all three of those wires are gone. The water will rise up to its top height. You'll have an opening you can climb out.

Once through the opening, you'll notice a little guy with a tablet (remember him from the beginning?) Step on his tablet and he'll fling you up. Land on the upper platform, and grab the money there. Phew...

---

Slam Dunk

All right. You're on the top of the barn now. Climb the ladder next to
you and scale to dizzying heights. Be careful of the wasp patrolling
the ladder. Timing is everything here. Move past him just as he goes
past the ladder. Keep climbing, dodging the wasps, until you reach the top. You'll notice a chocolate at the end of the board, and another in thin air. Jump out to the chocolate in thin air, and the "bulb" will
pop up. Quickly hit B and you'll turn into an anvil, and super slam
all the way down to the bottom of the bucket. Hitting the button at the
bottom of the bucket will open the grating down in the little stream
area. Inside, you'll find a tail and some more money. You should have $500 at this point.

***********************************************************************

Windy, Part II

You'll be doing a lot more here, now. This time around, you'll enter an
all-new part of Windy that could be seen as part of Barn Boys, what with the cows...

---

Poo Cabin

Run back to Windy, then head to the cabin in the pooey area. You'll see a cutscene where you'll get an idea on the relative intelligence of the Panther King and his lackeys...

Anyway, you'll enter the cabin, and Conker will speak to a dung beetle, who'll tell him that he'll make him a ball of poo if he fills up the
hole beneath the nearby trapdoor with poo, using cows....

Folks, now I suggest you not continue if you've eaten in the last
hour or so... ~_^

So, hop onto the trapdoor and press B to anvil smash it. You'll hear
the cry of money, but you can't do anything about it now, so just ignore
it.

Anyway, you'll be in a big cylindrical pit here... (If you fall, you'll return to the cabin) Jump on the ropes and use them to climb up to an opening in the wall with poo flowing out of it. Run up the slope and you'll soon come to an opening which will lead you to an outside area.

---

Pruned

Actually, this "verse", if you will, is pretty short. You'll meet up with a bull here (you had to be a RED squirrel, didn't you?) If you enter his little arena, he'll try to charge you. Avoid him for now, and head off to the left where there's a shack structure labelled "Prune Juice".

The climb to the top of the structure can get a bit dicey, because there are balls of poo rolling down the slopes. Just try to avoid them the best you can scale the top to the faucet. Run clockwise around the
spigot to open it, and dump prune juice into the trough below.

If you didn't know, prune juice is a good natural laxative...

So, a target just popped up, and there's a bull several feet from it.
Getting the picture yet?

---

Yee Haa!

All right. Time to find out what this bull's good for... First, get him to chase you (not a hard thing to do). If he's just about to ram you and there's no way you can use that ram, just jump straight up into
the air, and he should miss you.

Anyway, stand in front of the target, and jump at the last second. The
bull will smash into the target, and a door will pop open, revealing a
cow. The cow will start muching on the grass. She needs a little
help from you.

Here's where things get interesting. Another target has appeared, but this one's part of a wall. Lead the bull here, and he'll get stuck,
monetarily. Run up to him, and you'll hop on his back. He's VERY
unwieldy:

Stick: Move around (it's rather tough to get him where you want to go,
though)
B: Charge (Don't miss, or he'll toss you and you'll lose health)

So, line yourself up in front of the cow and press B. He'll charge into
her, and she'll walk over to the prune juice. I think you can guess
what happens here... (Ugh...)

Anyway, you need more cows, so the first order of business is to move this one out of the way. Charge into her again, and she'll be moved out of the way, rather messily...

Now, the whole thing will have to be repeated twice more with the
target hitting, the bull riding, and the hitting of cows. The only difference is that now the cows require more than one hit to get them
to the prune juice. The second requires two, and the third requires
three.

Once you've splattered all three cows, you'll get tossed clear, and the
bull will be left standing on the grate, which, unfortunately, can't
support his weight... Down he goes...

And down you should go after him...

---

Sewage Sucks

Hold your nose folks... We're going for a swim...

Drop into the hole and you'll land in the "brown water". Swim over to
the tail, then to the opening in the wall. In this area, there'll be a B Pad just onshore. Hop onto it, and Conker will take his "Confidence
Pill". He'll get rid of his cute, little floaties at this point, and you'll be able to swim underwater:

B (in water): Dive
Stick (underwater): Steer
B (underwater): Swim

Note Conker's face as you dive underwater, as his cheeks get bigger, and his eyes bulge, he'll have less and less air. When he's reached maximum bulgage, you'll start losing health. Restore your air by going to the surface, or finding air bubbles in certain places.

Anyway, return to the first area and swim down. Find the opening, and swim to the surface, where you'll be able to collect some money. Dive down again, and swim the remainder of the way back, into the cabin. Exit the cabin, and it's time for some poo-rollin'...

---

Great Balls of Poo

Okay... Using these balls of poo, you can open up two new areas. In
this walkthrough, we'll open both of them up right now for simplicity
sake.

Okay. Get behind the ball, and push it around. Get the feel for how
pushing something is. Run the ball up the slope to the right of the
cabin (if you're facing the door) and roll it up the side of Poo Hill.
Note the beetles along the way. They won't actively attack you, but
will hurt you if you get too close, and they can also push your ball of
poo as they move. Wait until they pop inside their little holes in the
wall, and keep moving. Soon, you'll be above a really big dung beetle. Conker will add a stick of TNT to the ball, and push it over the edge. The dung beetle swallows it, and the rest is history. Don't worry if you fall through all this. If you land on the hill, you'll land safely
(head-first) in the poo...

Now, take the next ball of poo, and roll it up the slope next to the
barricaded door. Using the same methods of avoiding the beetles, roll it all the way to the hole at the top. You're too small to fit in the
hole, but the poo ball will roll down and burst out the barricaded door,
opening the way to the chapter "Sloprano". You can go there now, or
just finish here. While you're up here, High Jump to the top of the
mountain and pick up the cash there.

You can also take this time to pick up another wad of cash. Head over to the wasp's nest, and High Jump to the opening in the nest, on the left, you'll reappear on the right side, and you can jump again to the opening at the top. Go in there, and you'll snag some more dough.

Take the third ball of poo, and roll it down past the ladder that leads
to the Feral Reserve Bank. Note the sign that says "No Pooballs!"
Sounds like an invitation to me... Roll it off the edge, and you'll
hit one of the armored guards down there. Hop down next to him, and you'll see a button. Press B when you step on it, and you'll anvil
smash it, opening the plug, and the two armored guards swimming around inside will be sucked down the vortex. Now, the pool never drains, but you have to stay clear of the vortex, or it'll cost you a life. Now, just swim through the door on the far end of the pool, and you'll enter a new chapter...

***********************************************************************

E. Bats Tower

This area's rather varied. It's a mix of water and fire. You have to
be a fast runner, a fast swimmer, and have good aim (for more things
than one).

---

Mrs. Catfish

Enter the area and you'll be immediately greeted by several lady
catfish, who sound a lot like stuffy old British dowagers. They'll offer you some change if you help them with the problem of the Bullfish near their safe at the end of the river.

Swim downstream, and under a waterfall, there's a small cave where you can pick up some chocolate and a tail. Swim further down near the safe, and you'll see the Bullfish snapping from his chain. Look below you, and you'll see a hole at the bottom of the pool. Swim into it, and you'll be taken to a new area.

---

Barry's Mate

Remember Barry? He's the bat you torched back in the barn. His friends are in this area to make your life miserable (or more enjoyable if you have a thing for torching bats).

Anyway, swim to the surface of this area, and waltz over to the guys on the wall. The rather rude cog (or amicable, whatever side of his is on top) will tell you to get his other cogs. You'll do that in a moment,
but first, you need to open the gateway there. To do that, step on the
nearby platform with ropes attached to ride up to the next level of the
tower. There'll be a series of thin rafters (for balancing acts) and
climbing ropes on your way up the tower. There's a bat for every
rafter, so remember to listen for the squeaks and fire up your torch
by pressing B.

Once you reach the top of the tower, you'll see a platform sticking out
towards the other side. The lever's over there. Before you go for it,
you may have heard the shouts of money nearby. Hop onto the wall of the tower, then float across from high stone to high stone clockwise around the wall. Do this to avoid the armored guards in the area. Once you snag the cash, fly clockwise to get back to your starting spot. Drop back down to the platform, then leap out and grab the lever. A grate way down back in the water will open.

---

Cogs' Revenge

Make your way down to the bottom of the tower, jump into the water, and swim into the previously grated area. Avoid the swimming armored guards (they won't actively chase you) and swim to the surface, where you'll find a female cog running around. Whack it with your pan and grab it, and return the same way to the mean cog. Walk up the steps to put the cog on the peg. Parents... This may be a good time to put the kids to bed...

Anyway, head back in the water, and go back to the area where you found the female cog. You'll see a pipe leading into a new area. This place has two female cogs bouncing around. They're not that easy to catch, because they're faster than you and run when they see you. Best way to get them is to keep jumping and swing the pan as soon as you land next to them. It's tough, but not impossible.

Return the two cogs individually to their spots, and run clockwise on
the circular platform in the center. You have to get up some good speed to get going. Once you've finished, the Bullfish's chain will be much shorter, effectively removing the threat. Also, the nasty cog will get what he deserves, although the "charming" side of him rather enjoys it...

---

The Combination

A relatively short stanza. Head back out to the main area, and to where the catfishes are waiting. They'll ask you to lead them to the safe. Note that as you speak, the two armored guards from the tunnel come out. Now is the point where they'll actively give chase... As they get close, just hop into the air and hover further upstream to the safe.
Once you get there, the catfish in charge will open up the safe, and you can just hop right in.

---

Blast Doors

Well, apparently this money doesn't want to live in your pocket. He
hops out and steals down the shaft in the middle, and the doors slam shut behind him. Your mission now, should you choose to accept it, is to open that hatch, using naught but your trusty slingshot. How? Simple. On the far wall, opposite the B Pad, is a rotating wheel that exposes letters as it rotates. All you have to do is spell "OPEN" and voila!

Hey! I said it was simple! I didn't say it was easy!

Honestly, getting the accuracy down on the slingshot is tough, and to
make matters worse, everytime you miss three times, or hit a wrong
letter, one of the armored guards nearby jumps up and rushes you. You have to wing him to knock him back so you can try again without taking damage.

So, spell OPEN, and hop in. On the B Pad down here, you'll whip on a miner's helmet, and snap in a battery. Good for seeing down there...

---

Clang's Lair

This area's not easy... Largely, it's because Conker's not a fast
swimmer, so you'll spend a while getting mad at Conker for not getting to air fast enough...

Anyway, you can think of this area has four big vertical pipes. One is
in the center, and three are around it like a triangle. Each of the outer pipes is connected to the center one by two small pipes.

The pipes are guarded by guys called Clangs. A Clang is basically a
submerged metal eyeball that bites you if you get close. There's one
in the entrance pipe, one in each of the connecting pipes, and one in
the exit pipe.

Now, the purpose of the miner's helmet is to blind the Clangs. It's not
all that necessary, nor is it terribly useful, though, and the battery
doesn't last long at all.

Okay, you're in the entrance pipe. Make your way down, ducking into
side chambers with air bubbles if Clang gets close. Heck, duck into
side chambers anyway to replenish your air. If Conker starts turning
blue, you're in trouble. Once at the bottom, watch the Clang patrolling
the connecting pipes (flashing green). Follow the Clang into the one
he goes into, not the one he comes out of, to be safest. You'll reach
the center pipe. Swim up and grab some air. You can also snap in a new battery if you wish for your headlamp.

Dive back down and head to the blue flashing pipes, again watching for the Clang. Swim through, then surface as soon as possible, and grab the lever in this area. Swim back to the main pipe, then swim to the pipes with yellow flashing lights. You'll be in the exit pipe, which is similar to the entrance pipe, in that there is a Clang patrolling it,
and there are side chambers with air all along the way. Use those
air chambers, and surface. In this new area, drop down the hole in the floor.

---

Pisstastic

Sounds good from the title, eh?

When you enter this place, you'll find two Fire Imps stoned out of their
skulls. They'll notice you, and notice that you're flammable. That
could spell trouble. If you get near the boiler (where they hide)
they'll pop out and attack you.

Since they're made of fire, you'll need some kind of water-like substance to put it out, but you can't use the beer in the keg, 'cause
it's alcohol... Wonder what you can use, hmm?

Aw, who'm I kidding? You know it. I know it. You gotta pee on 'em.

Okay. The way to do this is to head to the keg and press B to load up.
Conker will be a little tipsy after consuming so much, so he'll be a
little tougher to control. Anyway, pick a spot that feels good to you
(I suggest near that first aid kit to the left of the keg area) and press B to start the fun!

Stick: Aim
B: Unzip/Zip Up
Z: Extend Stream

I love the music when he lets loose. Anyway, the stream's not that hard to control. Just hold Z the whole time and you'll have a nice big
stream to play with. To put out a Fire Imp, you'll have to hit it with
a pretty constant stream. There are four in play at once, and every
time you put out one, another appears. You need to douse eight Fire
Imps before you can continue.

If, by the way, you run out of "juice", you'll be hungover (Conker will
stop every several seconds to let out a technicolor yawn) and you'll
have to make your way over to the first aid kit, where you'll pop some
Alka-Seltzer, and he'll be as good as new.

---

Brass Monkeys

Just when you thought this scene couldn't get more tasteless...

The Fire Imps will realize they can't beat you, so they hop in the
Boiler to let him take over. They push a special button, and SPROING...

Brass balls...

Don't try to rationalize... Just fight...

Well, the object here is to lure the Boiler into one of the four
corners. Once he's there (under a drain), High Jump to the chain above
your head. You'll dump a ton of poo on him, and he'll stagger back and
wobble back and forth, exposing his batch. Run up to him and press B.

Now, I gotta give props to Rare for this. They could have just stuck
with the frying pan. No no no... They have high standards... Instead
of using the pan, Conker takes out two big bricks and slams them
together... Ow...

So, all you have to do is do the same thing for each of the four corners (lure to the drain, poo dump, brick smash). Eventually, you'll
knock the balls off, putting the Boiler out of commission. Go you!

So, there are still Fire Imps in the area, and you can't douse them,
just avoid them. You have to push the brass balls around now. One
has to go on a little depression near a door opposite the first aid
kit, and the other gets rolled down the slope that's behind the door to
take out the armored guard behind.

Finally, you're back in the safe. Grab the cash and step outside.

---

Bul